My big kids

I was reading a friend's blog the other day, and listening to her talk about how big her son was getting made me realize just how big my kids are.

Sullivan is four! I mean, it feels like I just had him, honestly. It feels like I was just all giddy at seeing those two pink lines. But, it was almost five years ago that I saw them. Five years! Sullivan is quite a four year old. He has quite an attitude, and he will tell you like it is when he wants. But, he also has quite a heart. He dresses himself now (which is why he usually looks the way he does- I swear I buy him nice clothes, but he is under the impression that red matches red from the head to the foot, and he also believes that wearing two shoes that match is just dumb). He now eats what we eat- quite an accomplishment there! I can ask him to help with Sophie, or to do little jobs around the house, and he does. He uses his manners (most of the time). He participates intelligently in our converstations, for example- the other day, we were in the living room watching tv. Aaron says, "Can't we watch something besides football please?" So, I turn on a movie that was tivoed. He says, "This is football! Please, can we watch something else!" So, I turn on the Grey's Anatomy episode that was tivoed. Sullivan says, " I am not gonna sit around here watching all this doctoring with yall, now turn on something we all want to watch- you know cartoons!" He was SOOOOO serious.

He knows his letters and numbers and sounds out 3 and 4 letter words. He potties by himself, feeds himself, entertains himself. I mean, before I know it, my little man is gonna be an actual man. I try to instill values in him every day that I want him to have as a man- people are always laughing at me when they hear me explaining to him what a gentleman would do, but I want him to be a chilvarous, rare exception to men when he is grown! I just wish he wasn't growing up so fast. I try to cherish the small moments and relish in the little details of his childhood, but it seems to be going by in such a blur. I mean, if I could find a way not to blink, I would. The other night, he had been asleep for a few hours, and he came in my room wide eyed. I was so worried that he was gonna be awake for the rest of the night. But, he said, "Mom, can you just cuddle me for a little while?" Ahhhh..... yes! I can! And, I did. I held on tight to his little body. I rubbed his head, and smelled him a thousand times. I felt his warmth and tried to ingrain it in my memory forever. I tried to involve as many as my senses as possible so that I could remember that moment forever. If I can hold on to that moment, he really won't grow up- at least not to me. He can always stay my baby.

And Sophie, she is a year old already. I mean, for real? Didn't I just have her? She is growing so fast. She no longer has any desire left to crawl. Its so funny to watch her try to get somewhere fast, because she is not a fast walker yet. She has to sit down if she starts going too fast and take a break, get back up again, and try for more. She is tough- it takes a lot to make her cry- and trust me, Sullivan has proven that theory. She follows along with the big kids, having no idea that she isn't their age. She has quite a vocabulary now- mama, dada, dog, cat, bath, bye, up, down, ball- I am sure there are more. She will repeat just about anything you say. She is still my baby though. And, while I like to say that I get frustrated with her lack of sleep and continuous nursing, its allowing me to hold on to her just a little longer. I relish the quiet moments when all she wants is for me to hold her close. To feel her warm little body fit perfectly next to mine, pat her back, and give her kisses brings great joy to my heart. It allows me to pretend that she can't play peekaboo with herself in the mirror (oh yeah, she can say boo too!). It allows me to pretend that she can't sit for twenty minutes and play a game with Sullivan, or drink out of a real cup, or do all of the little girl things that she does. She is starting to reach for her daddy from me- quite an accomplishment trust me! She is starting to crack up laughing at his jokes and enjoy his presence as much as mine and her brothers'. The other day, she was in the car, and they were watching a movie. She was intently staring at the tv, and I saw her giggle. She understood what was happening on the show enough to giggle! How big is that? She is definitely turning into a toddler, but a girl can pretend right? I can pretend she is still a baby right? Why do they have to grow?