Sunday, September 30, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 7:27 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tomorrow is Sullivan's official birthday. I honestly can NOT believe the child is going to be four. I feel like I was just running up the stairs yesterday to tell Aaron there were TWO pink lines, not one!!! I had a miscarriage a few months before I got pregnant with him, so I was terrified of everything. But, the moment I heard his little sweet cry, I knew my world had changed and would never be the same. We had gone and bought a video camera so that we could capture all of the ways our new little miracle would change- if only we could have captured all of the ways he changed us! On the day I had him, as I heard him cry, I also heard his Daddy. Aaron dropped the NEW video camera, tears streaming down his face, and cried "You make beautiful babies" over and over. I could not wait to have my eyes on him, and when I did, his thich dark hair and sweet little face grabbed me. That night, when I held him in the nursery for the first time, I could think of nothing else. Here I was, fresh out of surgery, blood pressure through the roof, hadn't eaten in three days, and all I could think was," I have made this? This tiny life?" He was SOOOO tiny- 5 pounds 7 ounces, 17 inches long. I remember thinking that I had never seen a baby this tiny much less held one before. But, he taught me that he didn't care about my past or what I looked like, all he cared about was his mommy holding him close. I had a hard time letting go of him, and for the first two years, I had a hard time letting anyone else watch him. I spoiled him rotten, I don't think he was put down for 6 months straight, and after that, it was rare. This little tiny life had stolen my heart from the get go.
He never practiced crawling- he waited until he had it, then he crawled like a mechanical doll- perfectly. He did not fall from practicing his first steps, he waited until he walked well, and then showed his new skill. The child ALWAYS had a smile on his face, if he didn't we knew he had an ear infection. His smile was contagious, he rubbed off on anyone around. About four months, he developed stop you in your tracks gorgeous blue eyes and has kept them since. Its kind of wierd, Aaron has dark brown eyes, and I though for sure that he would get them. He didn't talk alot his first years, he said mama, dada, choo choo, ball and papa for a long time. Then, just as he did with everything else, he just started to talk. He told us one day (when he had not said more than about 20 words), "Kate got in trouble today for throwing mulch on the playground." I thought I would pass out, but then I realized that this is his style. He is quite the perfectionist, and wants the world to see his new skill only after he has mastered it.
He has caused us much grief in the four years we have known him- he seems to be ALL boy and knows just how to find an accident. He has sliced his ear in half by jumping on the bed, sliced his eye playing tug of war with his daddy, wrestled Sampson (our 70 pound dog) for his bone winning the bone, but getting a bite to the nose at the same time, he fell while climbing OVER a plastic kitchen, breaking his tooth and shoving another ALL the way back into the gums, and countless other things that we decided not to head to the ER for. He only gets sick on Friday night or during a holiday- he has mastered that skill quite well. He has had his share of illness, scaring us. Unfortunately, he has inherited his daddy's asthma, the one trait he wished not to pass down. But, through it all, he is a trooper. He doesn't complain much, and when he does, we know that he must be VERY sick or VERY hurt. Luckily for him, he did not get my tolerance for pain (or his daddy's for that matter, but he is a man, and men don't feel pain, right?)
I am so proud of the boy he is becoming, and know already that he will be a fine man when he is grown. He is sensitive and loving, sweet and thoughtful. We could not have prayed for a better brother for Sophie- he will drop everything he is doing to make her stop crying and come running from another room. He is very protective of her, not letting people touch her or be loud around her. He is learning to use his manners all of the time, and while it is adorable to hear him fumble trying to find the right expression sometimes (saying mam to a man or sir to a woman, please when he wants to say thank you, etc.), it is wonderful to think of the foundation he is building for quite a spectacular man.
Although I am sad that he is turning four because I feel like it has just moved too quickly, I am excited to get to watch him grow. Aaron will never know what it has meant to me to be allowed the privelage to watch him everyday of his little life. To be there to build lego towers, play candyland until we couldn't tell the difference between colors anymore, read 50 books in one day, or just kiss his booboo when he fell. Everytime his little hand reaches for mine, I realize how blessed I am. I love this little man, and can not wait to watch him grow into a big one!
Posted by IamtheMom at 5:13 AM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
This is right before the party. He was SOOOO proud of his cake!
He had a REALLY hard time blowing out the candles!!!
A four course meal, chips and capri sun!!!Mack truck? Are you serious? I love my birthday!!!
Aaron and I got him a huge ride on dump truck. He had NO idea. After he opened all of his presents, we told him he had one more to open. We covered his eyes and look at how excited he got!!! You couldn't capture the excitement, but he was jumping up and down, screaming!!! He drove it all the way home from the party (which was at our community pool).
He had so much fun opening all of his presents and playing when he got home that he slept until ten this morning! He got this big construction truck from a friend that he calls the "hooker truck." He drove it all around being a "hooker man" "hooking" and stuff. We were trying so hard not to laugh because he was so serious. He kept saying I need to be doing some hooking. It was so funny!
Posted by IamtheMom at 11:43 AM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 1:52 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
So, please pray for her. I am terrified of what they will find, but happy that he is going to check her out thoroughly so that something like this never happens again.
Posted by IamtheMom at 10:29 AM
Monday, September 17, 2007
To make my mom believe me, I decided to video Sophie while talking to her on the phone. Sophie smiles so big, like, are you talking to me?
Sullivan had his first field trip ever today. They are studying animals, so they went to Petco. 12 four year olds. As they were looking at the tank of swimming turtles, the ideotic teenage girl who works there threw in about 20 goldfish (alive). The turtles began eating them. Horrified four year olds crying knowing way too much about life than they ever wanted to were then on their hands, screaming at their store. Yeah, birds and the bees at four, or kind of!!!
And in other news, congrats to two of my best buds who are gonna be mommies again!! May will be a busy mont around here. And, I can't wait, but this week I may actually get to hold newborn twin boys. My friend made it to 38 weeks. Can you beleive that!!! Now, I get to be lucky and reap the benefits of her labor and love on tiny boys (well she doesn't make tiny babies, but newborns are all tiny even when they are ten pounds!!!). Congrats girl, I am so proud of you and I can't wait to meet the R boys :)
Posted by IamtheMom at 4:56 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
And another journal from the warfare of staying home with two sick kids. Here is a little of how my day looked:
I spent the good part of the morning CLOROXING the entire house. We bought four hospital grade air purifiers and have been cleaning everything there is. I have found clorox spray for fabrics, so I cleaned all of the mattresses, pillows, etc. I threw out all of our toothbrushes, and anything else that looked like it might be capable of carrying a germ. I washed all of our sheets and pillowcases and towels in bleach. All of this while wrangling Sullivan, err sorry Diego the Animal Rescuer, away from his sister. It sounded a bit like this over here:
(yelling hoarse voice) Sullivan get that net off of your sister's head
Mom, I am not Sullivan, I am Diego, and she is not my sister, she is a lion. I am rescuing her.
Well, get the net off of her head Diego and rescue her pretend.
Mom, if I rescued her for pretend, she would get eaten by a jaguar.
Ok, fine, just please keep your germs off of her and don't put a net on her head.
Ok mom, but I don't have germs- you threw away my toothbrush.
You are right Sullivan, how can I argue?
Then, I put Sophie in her exersaucer to protect her from the animal rescuer. After folding three loads of towels and all of our blankets, I look over at her and her puddle of diarrhea all over the floor (carpet of course) and think, well thank goodness I just cloroxed and cleaned. UGGGHHHH!!! After bathing her and feeding him, I decide to bring them into the computer room so that I can take a five minute break. It sounded alot like this:
Sullivan don't ride your sister!
Mom, she is a pony
No, buddy she isn't a pony, now get off.
Sullivan, your sister is not a set of train tracks, get the trains off now!
Oh alright mom.
So, after four showers (showers are meant to help the lungs) and pounding on the backs, and after MULTIPLE time outs with Sullivan, and a nice long nap by both, I am exhausted!!!
The good news is that they both seem to be feeling fine. Of course, that's almost the bad part because they have been wild and unruly stuck in the house. Sullivan is begging to go to school tomorrow, and since he isn't contagious anymore, I am DEFINITELY gonna let him.
Posted by IamtheMom at 2:51 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Well, I took Sophie for her checkup this morning- Aaron stayed home with Sullivan bc we didn't want him to get any extra germs at the office. Dr. T is concerned with how hoarse she still is and thinks she probably has something on her vocal chord or windpipe- probably like a hemangioma birth mark or something. She said it would explain how she got so sick so fast- it got irritated and grew really big. She isn't certain, but we are going to have a scope (I think they are gonna do it, we have an appointment, and she ordered it, but I am not positive) Tuesday morning at 8:15 at Texas ENT. Supposedly the doctor is the best in the area with tiny kids. So, there's that part. Then, she really didn't like how cruddy and junky her lungs sound (you can feel gunk when she breathes), so she sent us for a chest xray. Of course, the Med wouldn't do it bc we have Scott and White, so I had to bring her to Scott & White, have one done, wait for them to make copies, then go back. She has pneumonia- fairly good sized in her right lung. So, we are on heavy duty antibiotics which are apparently really hard on the tummy and should cause alot of diarrhea. She has lost a pound throughout the ordeal (from last Monday until today) and her iron is low, so she encouraged me to let her keep eating the green veggies if she will. She hasn't had alot of appetite yet, and I am sure the antibiotics aren't going to help that. Anyway, that's where we are.
Posted by IamtheMom at 12:05 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
So, I have been doing ALOT of thinking. After seeing all of those babies and kids in the hospital being cared for by nurses and thinking of what horrible parents they must have, I have been wondering what really makes a woman a mom. I mean, I felt like a mom the moment I laid eyes on Sullivan. No, I take that back, I felt like a mom the moment I heard that raspy cry in the operating room with my stomach cut wide open, on a bunch of drugs to make me loopy, and Aaron saying "You make beautiful babies." Now seeing him, that was another story. God help me, but I balled like a baby that He would trust me enough to give me this tiny little life. I had two little babies- in the 5 pound range, and they were so small and helpless that I couldn't help but feel I had an important job to do to just get them to their first birthday. After recent events, I have realized that it takes so much more than a birth story or an adoption certificate to make a mom. No, that may give you legal rights to a child, but to be a mom, you have to LOVE this tiny little helpless being that doesn't really love you back so much. They cry ALOT, and you have to wake up all of the time meeting their needs. All of the time. And, they don't stop until you do. You have to stay by their sides when they are sick and let them know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they have an ally fighting for them in their corner.
Sullivan has strep again, and some kind of respiratory infection. I swear we keep our house clean, we went out and bought HUGE hospital grade air purifiers to keep the house cleaner. But, after breathing treatments, steroids, and antibiotics at the dr, we left to go to the pharmacy. On the way, Sullivan reminded me of the deal that he and I have about doctors appointments. He is brave, I buy him a McDonalds ice cream. Before you get all high and mighty on me and tell me how horrible bribery is, let me let you bring a child who HATES doctors to an appointment without a bribe. So, I get him the cone, and about two minutes later, he says, " I am done." Now, the cone was still very big. Then, "I am gonna be sick." And, the throw up follows. Lots of throw up. Did I tell you that there was ALOT of throwup? Oh, let me remind you that my car is THREE weeks old. And, he kept throwing up. So, we pulled over so I could calm him down (because thats what moms do while the dads are cleaning up the throw up- Way to Go mom for suggesting daddy leave his car at the office so he could ride with us to the pharmacy!!!) So, after cleaning him and the massive amount of throw up up, we go to the pharmacy. Basically everything they could screw up while filling a prescription they did, and we waited for an hour with a pager in the car. Sophie was being really good, and I was wondering why she wasn't crying for food. She has been nursing every hour since she has been sick, and she was going on 4 hours here. So, being a mom, I figured something just wasn't right. I climbed back there and the overwhelming smell of throw up and poop overcame me. There was poop everywhere. EVERYWHERE there was poop. So, since we had used all of our resources in the car on cleaning the throwup up, we got resourceful. I got out the windbreaker that I keep in the car and moved her to that while we used the mcdonalds napkins from the infamous ice cream cone to wipe her. I must say that we did a pretty good clean up job.
So, basically, in one day a real mom: stays home with her two sick kids, keeping them away from each other so as to minimize the germ sharing, brings the aforementioned kids to the dr, holds the hand of the "brave" one during his breathing treatments and encourages him on his braveness while the doctor checks him out, calms the throwing up child down, cleans the poop infested baby up, and all the while manages to overcome her own horrible throat and ear pain. Man, sometimes I wonder why I wasn't chosen to be the dad!!!
And, now, just to lighten the mood, here is my drama king of a child describing the only time he is allowed to call his nanny grandma. I swear, if anyone has any extra money, a worthy investment would be in drama lessons for him. We could make a fortune!
Posted by IamtheMom at 7:37 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 3:11 PM
Sunday, September 9, 2007
So, this is what brightens my day and reminds me that life is worth living!!! I have had a lot of time to reflect on what took place last week, and realized that I am actually just now coming out of the shock of the whole trauma. I keep remembering tad bits of things that are frieking me out. Poor Sophie, they did an xray of her, and her tummy was 4 times the normal size from all of the air she swallowed while struggling for air!!! Can you imagine how painful that was? We had to give them consent to give her the steroids every 4 hours at the beginning, bc they really thought she needed them. They said there could be some lasting effects since the actual dose (that really isn't supposed to be administered more than once) is every 12 hours. She was basically knocked out for the first 24 hours because she was so terrified everytime she woke up. But, her spunk has returned. Tonight, she is smiling, laughing and cooing. And, I might add, she is talking about her favorite person!!!
Posted by IamtheMom at 7:57 PM
1) It is possible to love something that weighs 17 pounds and that you have only known for 8 months so much that your heart actually feels like it will burst if you see them cry one more time.
2) It is possible for your heart to hurt so much that it makes you throw up- more than one time.
3) It is possible to survive a helicopter ride that normally would have you in an all out panic attack and vomitting everywhere when you need to.
4) It is possible to cry so much that you run out of tears.
5) It is possible to pull strength out of God knows where when your baby's life depends on it.
6) I would give any body part or even multiple body parts to trade places with either one of my kids rather than watch them in pain.
7) Life is too short to worry with anything other than loving and cherishing your friends and family.
8) I have WAY TOO many wonderful friends than one girl deserves- true friends- friends who call you even when they know you aren't gonna call them back just to let you know they love you, friends who get messages about your boobs to people they know you will talk to, friends who feed and let your stinky jumping dogs out to use the potty even when they live on the other side of town, friends who clean your house just so you don't have to come home and worry about anything, friends who make you meals so you don't have to worry about real life for a while, friends who keep your older rambuctious four year old boy and lie to you and tell you how wonderful he is being and how it is helping them out just so you can feel comfortable. How I got this wonderful batch of friends, I will never know. Honestly.
9) I have WAY TOO many wonderful family members that will do anything for me. My parents love me way more than parents should love their kids (although I am not sure how much that is after this week). I have parents who will drop everything and rush to be with me. They will fly, drive through the night, and do everything humanly possible just for a hug. My brother Charlie, loves me so much that he dropped his life to come and fight the battle together.
10) It is possible for a four year old to spend one week with his grandparents and get so spoiled that he honestly thinks that if you take him to get a loaf of bread, he should come home with a scooter (or race cars set?). That he thinks the world does revolve around him, but hey it does right?
11) That I take way too many things for granted. Just to have your baby breathing and smiling is the most important thing in life. Realizing how close I came to coming home without my bright eyed girl makes me know that I don't care about the little things in life. If she nurses until she gets on the bus for kindergarten, oh well. If she sleeps in a swing until she physically hits the 25 pound mark, oh well. I really don't care!!!
12) That there are doctors out there who are truly touched by the hand of God. Doctors who love patients and treat them as they would if it were their child.
13) MOST IMPORTANTLY: prayer works- plain and simple, no explanation needed.
14) Lastly, there are babies and children out there who have a crappy home life and for some reason or another have parents who aren't allowed to see them. Babies and children who are sitting in hospital beds for weeks at a time without a single visitor. Who have to fight for the chance at life without any support or anyone in their corner. This was truly the most heartbreaking thing that I took home with me. It makes me seriously consider foster care.
Posted by IamtheMom at 6:49 AM
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 6:38 PM
As we walked in the office, they put us in a room and brought in some breathing supplies. The doctor walked in and said "We can't help her here, she is really sick. She needs to be in the hospital, but I don't feel safe putting her in your car (our insurance doesn't use the hospital that she is attached to), so I am gonna walk you over to the er. " She actually got on the phone and prepared the doctors there while a nurse walked us rather briskly over to the er. You could tell Sophie was getting worse by the minute. When we got there, they gave her a breathing treatment and a shot of steroids. They said almost every case of croup responds well to this, and she should be fine. Five breathing treatments later, with her heart rate of 200, her breathing more than 90 a minute, and a miserable looking baby, they realized she was in bad shape. They did chest xrays, and dug and dug and dug for and iv line (while she just laid there). The guy said they have never not had to papoose a baby, but she just layed there without crying.
Our pediatrician walked in and said, "she needs more help than we can give her. She is way too sick for croup. Are either of you comfortable with flying?"
We looked at each other like what? She said, "We need to air lift her out of here and get her to Temple where they have a PICU that can take care of her."
I started balling. She told me basically that my baby's life depended on me being strong and that I could cry later. So, I put on a strong face, and didn't cry again until the next day. Everything moved rather rapidly from there. I got on a helicopter with her, while Aaron had to go home and get ready to come meet us. They talked of landing the helicopter twice on the way bc she was gravely ill. She kept turning blue- they did two more of the epi breathing treatments in the air. When we got to the hospital, there was a team of doctors and nurses waiting to take care of her. I kept asking, this isn't something she can die from right? Yall WILL help her, right? The nurses kept telling me, "she is really sick honey, but she is in the right hands." They never would tell me "no."
All night that first night was a horrible battle. I don't remember much except for signing papers for her to go under surgery to have a central line put in her- she was too dehyrated and sick, she kept popping ivs out. I also know that we signed papers to have her intubated when they decided she just couldn't fight on her own and need the breathing tube down her throat. But, some miracle happened, and they worked on her without it. The next few days are a blur. We stayed in PICU two nights and a regular pediatric room one. We are now home. It is a miracle that Sophie is here. The gravity of it all has sunk in. She still looks sick- all she does is cry and nurse. She will not smile, and is being so serious. The steroids she is on have weakened her immune system, and she is not supposed to be around anyone for about two weeks while she gets strong. We will be giving her steroids for the next year anytime she gets any cold symptoms so that this does not happen again. She apparently has a small windpipe that can't get any germs in it.
So, thank you all for your prayers. I was not able to contact alot of people, but I KNOW that there were a lot of prayers for her. I will keep you all posted as to her status.
Posted by IamtheMom at 6:01 AM
Monday, September 3, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 12:26 PM
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Posted by IamtheMom at 7:07 PM