Sunday, April 13, 2008


You know, it dawned on me the other day, that when I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was become a mom. I remember playing with dolls for a little longer than what is "normal". I always played with other people's babies, and enjoyed them sometimes more than kids my own age. I remember being saved in tenth grade, and honestly being scared that Jesus would come back before I would have my children and know what it was like.

What is it like? Well, there are times that you hear a child cry for 45 minutes and have no clue how to help them and just feel like screaming. There are times that you get hit, kicked, punched, head butted, jumped on, and bruised. There are times when you clothes can not soak up another ounce of snot, another round of throwup, and any more "leaks" from the old poopy diaper. There are moments when they whine, fuss, and do everything possible to get on your nerves. And then, there are the moments, the moments that you would pay any amount of money for. The moments that no matter how hard you try, you will never forget. The slobbery open mouth kisses. The random "I love yous". The grabbing of your hand for that comfort needed before conquering a big slide. The hugs you get when they tell you how wonderful of a day you had. The look on a tiny face that tells you that you are the most important person in the whole world. There are moments when you see them explore something new for the first time, and you just don't think life can get any better. I have come to the realization that I was built to be "Mom." Not Vicky. Not Vicky Lynn. Not Vicky Lynn Buser (pronounced Boozer, yeah that's why I decided to scrap the maiden name). I am Mom, and darn proud of it. There are moments that I would trade, and there are moments that I will hold on to for as long as I physically can. I want to remember how they feel, smell, sound, look forever. I want to remember those kisses, looks, touches as long as I can. I would give anything to be this hero, this wonder woman to two tiny beings whom I could not love anymore.

Sullivan now loves me "more than the buildings." How could it get any better?
As I was leaving the other day, I was dressed in a black long skirt. He says "Mom you look beautiful, almost like a princess. But, everyone knows that a princess would never wear black."


amy smith said...

don't know you, but totally get this. had the same feeling when i was saved... please Lord, let me have kids! five kids later, and I find myself praying for one more day every night.